Shiduch Gone Awry

If you've been there, you know the feeling- wishing you were anywhere else, head pounding, 'what was the Shadchan thinking' running through your head, painful awkward silence, but not quite as painful as the incessant yawning- you should be able to relate in some way.

‘The Script’
A one scene non play
Written by
Vintage Jeans

Scene takes place in Guys car.

Boy: Hello
Girl: Hi
Boy: How are you doing?
Girl: Pretty good, Baruch Hashem. How are you?
Boy: Thank G-d, I’m ok. A little nervous.
Silence

Boy: My friend said you should start off a date with a joke. It helps to ease the tension. Want to hear a joke?
Girl: Sure.
Boy: A man walks into a pub, sits by the bar and says "I got the best Pollack joke." The bartender looks up, raises his hands and says “Now now buddy before you tell that joke you might want to know something.” He points to the other end of the bar to a huge muscular man that looked like a body builder and says, “see that guy? He’s Polish.” He points to the bouncer and says, “He’s Polish too and you know what, I happen to be Polish as well. You sure you still want to tell that joke?” The man says, “Hey no worries, I’ll tell it real slow.”
Girl: That’s not funny!
Boy: what do you mean? Don’t you get it?
Girl: Of course I get it. I just don’t see why you have to make fun of Polish people.
Boy: I’m not making fun of Polish people per say, you can say the joke regarding any ethnicity Blacks, Hispanics, even Chinese if you want. I just happened to choose Polish people.
Girl: I don’t understand why some people have to put other people down just to make themselves feel good. What happened to good old fashioned humor where things were genuinely funny?
Boy: Well I’m sorry if I offended you I was just trying to break the ice. If you have any joke you would like to say, go right ahead.
Girl: Ok. Why did the Klipah cross the road?
Boy: Why?
Girl: To get to the Sitra Acher.
Boy: Ha ha, that’s pretty funny.
Girl: Thanks.
Silence reins abound.
Boy: Do you like baseball?
Girl: What??
Boy: You know Baseball the sport. Do you like it?
Girl: What kind of question is that? I’m a girl.
Boy: So what are you saying girls can’t play ball?
Girl: I’m not saying that, I just think it’s a weird question, that’s all.
Boy: Well I’m sorry if my questions aren’t exactly top notch, but, hey, there isn’t exactly a script for these things. And it’s not like you’re doing all that much to help. I’m gasping for air here.
Girl: Naw it’s ok. You know what- I apologize. Yeah, I guess I like Baseball.
Awkward silence
Boy: This is awkward.
Girl: Well… do you like it?
Boy: Like what?
Girl: Baseball.
Boy: Oh sure, I love it.
Girl: Really, where do you play?
Boy: I don’t play.
Girl: What do you mean you don’t play. I thought you said that you loved it.
Boy: Oh, I do. I love watching baseball.
Girl: You mean you enjoy watching other people playing ball?
Boy: Yep.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Why what?
Girl: I mean how?
Boy: How?
Girl: How could you enjoy watching other people standing around on grass throwing around a ball? That sounds like the most boring thing in the world.
Boy: Oh it can be very exciting! The competition, energy, it can be quite exhilarating.
Girl: Oookay… I think I have a headache.
Boy: Don't worry, I got Advil in the glove compartment. Please, help yourself.
Girl: If you don’t mind, I think I would like to go home.
Boy: That bad?
Girl: Yep.
Heading back towards home.
Boy: Uhh… well I …
Girl cuts him off pointing to her head.

Girl: It hurts.
Boy: Sorry.
Outside girls home.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Boy: My pleasure. I hope you feel better.
Girl: Thanks. I think I’m starting to feel better already.
Boy: That’s good the Advil must be kicking in.
A slight grin creeps to the corners of girls’ lips.
Girl: I didn’t have any of the Advil. Have a good night.
As the car drives off, two young adults continue their journey along the mapless route hoping not to hit too many more speed bumps before stumbling unto their final destination.

The end