I haven't been up to posting the past couple of days. For some reason I felt that expressing my morbidness, despondency and melancholy would make me feel better inside. Sadly when that effect didn't occur it got me a bit discouraged.
I was then looking over my previous posts, I realized that never did I intend my writings to be a relief of my inner unwholesomeness. I quickly got over myself and I'm back blogging.
To conclude the previous posts, the final two reasons for my blog will be brief relative to the ones previously.
My mind similar to most is like a jungle, thoughts and ideas floating all over the place. At times my thought process has structure and I can complete a certain idea, but at other times all though I may be content with a concept that I thought out, it turns out under further analysis to be extremely fragmented and missing many links. When you take an idea that your mind is working on and express it, that in itself brings clarity to the subject.
That leads me to reason #3. By getting used to putting thoughts or ideas into writing that would otherwise just be wandering around my head in bits and pieces it will help train my mind to think more clearly and coherently.
Reason #4 is to serve a simple purpose. That is to document my thoughts and feelings, sort of like an online journal. Even though at this point it's the least significant of my reasons I think in time it will be the most appreciated.
In summary, #1 improve vocabulary, #2 a place to vent (even though it doesn't make me feel good), #3 help me develop a more clear thought process, and #4 document my happenings and ordeals.
If in anyway I veer from the aforementioned reasons in my writings, don't mention it, because it's MY blog and I don't want to hear it.
Peace and love!

Where have I been?

Enough said.

Lesson learned...
I've just had a very frustrating 45 minutes. I thought it would be fun to play around with my template. I was adding different features, trying to make my blog more user friendly and instead ended up deleting the comment option. I tried everything to get it back, but it it seemed like it was gone forever. So, I did what most people do when they're in trouble, I tried resetting the whole thing. By rechoosing the template it erased anything I had ever added to the current template. Thank G-d!
Lesson of the day- always back up your template.

Sleepless night

Seeped inside,

Run away,

Up and gone,

Lost again,

Your pain is mine.

Stop!

Balmy,

bonkers,

daffy,

loco,

loony,

raving,

nutty,

psycho,

buggy,

cuckoo,

batty,

wacko.

You are off the end.

I am not.

A must read

Dear Friend,

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays."

Tonight is the 23rd anniversary of my birth. Every year, I try to find some kind of moral significance (which usually shouts out at me) with my birthday and take a lesson from it. Whether it be an idea of catch-22, being able to legally buy alcohol, or no longer being a teen, I have always had something easy and cheesy to share with everyone. When I thought about this year and the number "23" nothing came to me. I came to the realization that I may have to actually work to come up with something that I can learn from and share.

I waited for a nice quiet time when nobody was around. I sat on the couch, pulled out my laptop, ready to skim through birthday material on chabad.org so that I could copy and paste something that sounded very intelligent to this email when I realized that today is Thanksgiving. Now my birthday doesn't usually fall out on Thanksgiving since I celebrate my Hebrew birthday and the last time my birthday fell out on Thanksgiving was 19 years ago, way before I could come up with any pirushim.

I put some thought into what the idea of Thanksgiving could mean to me and how it could help improve me for the up and coming year.
When you thank somebody, you are acknowledging that the person gave, or did something for you. There is something for which you need to show appreciation.
Just like Mothers Day. How many times on Mothers Day did you wish your mom a happy mothers day and she's quick to respond, "My Mother would say for Jewish mothers, everyday is Mothers Day." Of course when you don't buy her a present, because she's just taken away any significance the day may show, she gets all insulted. She wants to know "Why couldn't you get your mother something?"
The truth is, she's right. If I really wanted to listen to her I should buy her a present everyday and wish her a happy Mothers Day, but instead I pick and choose as to what I want to listen to.
The same is with Thanksgiving. Heimeshe Jews don't kuch in (get into) Thanksgiving. They say we thank G-d everyday, not once, not twice, but over 100 times a day, a Jew is supposed to thank his creator.
All too often, I can go days without giving thought about those little things in life. The things that I keep offering my praises and thanks for, those things most of us take for granted. On this day, my Birthday, tradition teaches is my very own personal Rosh Hashana. We all know like the head of a person which directs the rest of the body, how and where to go,
Rosh Hashana (Rosh = head) is what gives direction and substance to the rest of the year. I am resolving to take heed to the lesson of the day and put effort into being conscious of the good and positive things in my life. so that when I do offer my countless thanks to the one above, it will be with the assurance, certainty and confidence that G-d is always looking out for me. Adding richness and fulfilment in my life.
I would like to propose at this point, to anybody still reading this, to take a minute, or even a moment and think of one good thing that has happened to you today. Now say thank you.
Some people comment to me that they don't like receiving generic emails that aren't sent just for them. With that in mind I would like to finish with a story.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe when he would respond to peoples' letters, had 3 basic types of letters with which he would respond. #1 was a typical response to a simcha and for every simcha there was one letter that the Rebbe would send with his blessings and mazzal tov on the occasion. #2 was a letter that was also a general one that the Rebbe would write every few months, which discussed either events or comming yomim tovim. This letter was usually sent to one almost automatically and if the Rebbe had something to add, he would write it on the side. #3 was a personal specific letter that the Rebbe would write just for you.
Once there was a young man who sent in a letter to the Rebbe. The Rebbe, shortly thereafter responded to his letter. When this Chossid opened the letter, he saw that it was a #2 letter and became upset. He mentioned to one of the Rebbes' secreteries that he was disappointed that he got one of the generic letters. Later on the Secretary mentioned to the Rebbe in passing that this young man was a little let down because of the letter. The Rebbe responded, "it seems my expectations of him were too high. I though that he really cared about what I'm into, if he wants me to write about what he's into, then I'll write him a personal letter." This means that since the Rebbe transcribed what was on his mind and what he felt was important, if he truly respected and looked up to the Rebbe, knowing what the Rebbes' into would have made him happy.
That being said if you would like a personal email. Reply to this one and type UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
A reminder- The Farbreingan will be starting at 9:00pm tonight. Lots of food and booze will be served. That includes one large-very large- Turkey.
If you do not know by now that my Farbreigan is tonight, you're probably not living in NY and are basking in the warmth of the sun somewhere, You can gey feifen.

-- Be well,

Vintage jeans

A smile, by the way, can change somebody's day!
P.S. Tomorrow I will be going to the Rebbes' gravesite to pray. If you would like me to pray for you or somebody you know to ask for any requests please let me know by tomorrow morning. If you're going to email me, be sure to tell me the Jewish name and mothers name.

These are two friends of mine who just got married. I think this picture captures something very deep. I'm not sure what it is, but I was overcome with a strange sensation when I saw it. Make sure to click the picture it has its full effect when it's enlarged. And no I never had a thing for her

My blog

Yesterday I gave the first reason for the startup of my blog. Namely as a means to improve my vocabulary. Now for reason number two.

#2: I have very good friends. Besides for my inner circle of friends (which are 3) there are many other friends whom I like and I feel have a great affinity (I have just given legitimacy to reason #1) towards me. The fact of the matter is every person has their own concerns, their own problems, their own headaches and usually when you describe some distress in your life, although the verbal response may be, "That's horrible," or "I feel so bad," or a "how do you manage." Inside, all they're thinking is - thank G-d it's not me. I don't blame them it's an inherent human response, one that I'm guilty of way to often.

That's with my more distant friends, but my close friends they each have they're own personal reasons why it may be difficult to share.

You have one guy who's suffering with a number of social inabilities. He has trouble telling nice things to people. He sees himself as having more of an Ebert and Robert type role with his compatriot. Meaning I have my very own personal critic to help mold my life more to his liking, but then that wouldn't be good either, because MY critic says I have to be ME. You see there really is no way to win with a person like that. When I ask him to be a bit nicer, he apologizes and offers a quick explanation, sounding something like this. "that's just who I am, I can't help it."

My second friend is a lot more understanding and sensitive to others needs. The problem with him, is that G-d has put him through so much up to this point, that I feel almost silly trying to describe my problems. It's almost like telling the homeless man that you can't deal with the stresses of life. He asks, "what's the problem?" And you say, "well my wife wants me to make a choice of either the Bahamas or the Caribbeans for Thanksgiving Holiday and I can't handle making decisions." You see, it may even be a legitimate problem, but it feels kind of silly to burden somebody who's got so much more on his plate.

So reason #2 for this blog, is to put it simply, a place where I can vent, yent and even cry if I have to.

Hungry anybody?

Yesterday I sent out an invite to my birthday party to friends and classmates. So far the response has been very positive. Here's the invite.
Hey,

To those of who have not yet been informed.
This Thursday night the 23rd of Cheshvan I will be celebrating the completion of 23 years of living. I'm going to be having a Farbreingen in honor of the occasion. Your presence would be most welcome and appreciated.
The Farbi will be in my house CENSORED.
It will be starting at 8:30 PM - right after ---------' shiur. Since my birthday this year falls out on the day of thanks and giving and the custom of our country is to celebrate this idea with a Turkey, a Turkey will be served at 8:45 PM, be there or be queer.
Hope to see you all,
-- Be well,
Vintage jeans
A smile by the way can change somebodys' day!

True home

I have got to make a ticket back. It's been to long, way to long!

y

When I mentioned to a few friends today that I had started a blog, the first question they ask me is a simple why?
Why?
My 3rd grade Science teacher used to say that "y" is a crooked letter.
The truth is there are many reasons why I've started this blog. I will try to enumerate a few in the next few posts and may add more as I think them up.
#1(They are not being put into an order based on significance): My Rabbi used to tell me that one of the problems with the Yeshivah system today, is "they don't give the students a language to think with. They try pushing a little Yiddish, a little Hebrew, a little Aramaic and of course a little English. So what do you have at the end? A person who has a minimal grasp of any language. Fact of the matter is, is that the human mind primarily thinks in words. Meaning if you don't have a good command of a language, your thoughts can never be to precise, to sharp and thinking will never reach its optimum."
He told me I should study the English language consistently. He encouraged me to try and work on improving my vocabulary. I shamefully confess that I have been lax with his directives for the simple reason I lost all motivation, because I simply had no place where I could put my new found words into proper use.
So reason #1 "why" I've created this blog, is to have a place where I can practice my new words and hopefully it will serve as the proper push to keep me studying.
#2: To follow at a later blogging date.

At the Gym

I heard this line today thought it was great.
"Better that you hate me for what I am, then love me for what I'm not".
It's a very powerful statement.
I wonder, who truly loves me for what I am?
I can't wait to be loved no matter what I am.

I WONDER

Does the
man who wanders
the neighborhood, wearing
three heavy overcoats in the
swelter

of the
summer, have a
little brother who lies
awake at night wondering where
he is?

Rain

There are times when it's raining so long and hard that you don't even bother getting out of the rain. Instead you embrace it. You allow the rain to get you wet, you enjoy it as the water seeps through all of your clothing, you become one with the environment. You can walk around like that for a long time- or until you get the shivers- with a smile on your face, not a care in the world. It's such a wonderful feeling, the feeling of being comfortable with oneself.
I just got home from learning and davening. Its been cold and rainy since last night and I'll tell you this, I refuse to give into the surrounding environment. I do not enjoy the water soaking me, the wind as it breaks into my skin feeling like hundreds of needles poking into me and you know what? I'm not feeling comfortable with myself.
I've decided that I'm not going back outside until the weather clears, or I'm driving.

This is the begining of my blog. Everything has some kind of begining. It may have started aeons away from its present outcome, but a begining all things must have. It's 1:30 AM and I'm thoroughly exausted just wanted to make sure there was practical creation before I went to bed.