Thursday, January 19, 2006


What will choose my path?

On the topic of weddings, I recently heard two stories I would like to share.
Story #1: Rabbi Minsky told this story over at our class' Yud Tes Kislev farbrengen. The story is about Rabbi Chazan (after short contemplation I've decided not to use his real name in case it falls under loshon horah, I have enough on my shoulders as it is). I asked my dad about him to give a little background, my dad knows him as he was both his teacher and work colleague.
Rabbi Chazan is a tomim from Otwosk, not just any tomim, but one of the top students of his time. His ability in learning is incredible, surpassed only by his sincere kindness. He has tremendous talent in music, writing and orating. Rabbi Chazan got married when he came to America to an American girl. When brought up in conversation anybody who knows him will always mention his wife. It seems that her interests were by far different then his own, the ultimate "odd couple." She was the modern type, fun-loving all American girl while he was obviously into more subtle things. From what I was able to make out it seems that she also has a tougher personality (the Rebbe had given him special heterim for sholom bayis purposes).
Rabbi Chazan is an older man now, somewhere in his 80's and in recent years his health hasn't been so good. Rabbi Minsky came to visit him after one of his trips to the hospital. They were sitting in the dining room Rabbi and Mrs. Chazan together with Rabbi Minsky. Mrs. Chazan being a good hostess asked if she could warm up some soup for the guest. Rabbi Minsky consented, after all who can turn down a bubbys soup. When the Rebetzin went into the kitchen to get the soup ready, Rabbi Chazan asked Rabbi Minsky if he could please start the Beineni Niggun (Pretorians 5764 you know how it goes). Rabbi Minsky started the niggun and together they sang.
Rabbi Minsky described what happened, "as we were singing Rabbi Chazan started to cry, tears were streaming down his face. We were still in the middle of the niggun when his Rebetzin walked in, she put down the soup in front of me and then she too started crying. She looked at me and said, "do you know why he's crying? He's crying, because he married me, he's a Tomim and he married me". Rabbi Chazan tried consoling her telling her that of course that wasn't true and we then continued singing with the 2 of them crying".
That's the end of the first story.
Story #2: Rabbi Y. Jacobson told this story over during a chassidus shiur.
An elderly man was at the Doctors office for a checkup. After the Doctor saw him he told him that he should come back the following week there was something he wanted to check out. On the way out the man went over to the secretary to schedule the follow up appointment. The woman looked up the Doctors schedule and told him that there was an opening the next week at 9:30 in the morning.
He told her, "I'm sorry, but at 9:30 I eat breakfast with my wife."
"Well," she replied, "why don't you tell your wife that next week your going to have to push off breakfast by an hour or so".
"I can't," he answered, "you see my wife is living at a senior center, a few years ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimers and she wont understand if they tell he that I'll be late".
The secretary a bit puzzled asked, "if she has Alzheimers then whats the big deal? She doesn't know who you are anyways".
The elderly man looks at her with tears welled up in his eyes and says, "she may not know who I am, but I still know who she is".

After 60 years of marriage will I have to dry my wifes tears, because shes afraid that I don't love her, convincing her how happy I am that I married her? Or will we reach the Utopian island of "unconditional love"?
2 people, 1 journey, 2 endings.
What will choose my path?

11 Comments:

At 4:04 AM, Blogger Dovid said...

Well, i guess this was your intention, but your first story was pretty disturbing (especialy since the guy's in his 80's now!), and the second was beautiful. I guess it's all mazal. My you have much mazal.

 
At 4:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ya.. I guess what david says.. but trust me.. You have a sensible clear train of thought that will make it pretty clear which road your heading down.. you just have to listen to that little voice and don't let looks silence the little voice..

It's not like - pick a card.. and hope it's the one you want.. but ya there always is the pos. that down the road the pavement could get pretty bumpy or might even turn into pure mud.. no pavement.. but the only thing we could do is really try to THINK with our heads about what is important to us and then really be honest with outselves.. our life goals.. will this chick really be the one that will take me there?

if the goal is to drive in alaska the best aid is a nice 4X4 etc...

 
At 4:22 AM, Blogger Suma said...

no decision is really permanent.. life itself is temporary.. risk it!

btw. are you writing this because you have 2 girls right not in front of you and you don't know which route to go? Or your just having cold feet without meeting anyone?

 
At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,

I think you should give more consideration to the expected events that will transpire before your 60th wedding anniversary.

While you first story is very touching, it doesn't mean the individual is sad by the choice he took in life. I believe when we are close to 90 years old, we will only have tears in our eyes for thing we did. Nostalgia occures even with correct choices.

Good luck in any choice you make. WHen you are face with this choice, it is not a math test it doen't have to all add up.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger vintage jeans said...

Dovid, amen! Thanks for the Well- wish.
Tod and Manhattan, I think you’re picking up different implications from the post that were intended. Firstly, I didn't write the post because of any decisions I have to make, it's simply an observation I'm making after being at 3 friends weddings over a 2 week period.
Second, my presumption is clearly as Dovid puts it, "its all Mazal", which is why I stress how special Rabbi Chazan is. Even though he was such a wonderful person, nevertheless he still "suffered" a tough marriage. Which means, that yes, the result of your marriage may be "like picking a card".
Anonymous, thanks for your blessings.
I don't believe the old man was crying because of his marriage, but it's a sad state if his wife thinks he is, and I agree that more consideration should be given to more relevant situations (the time preceding the end of our lives), but its still fun to dream.

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger Zalman Abraham said...

Levi, Keep up the gr8 work!!!

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Esther said...

Its all part of our predestined lives that is set out for us by a Higher Being... not much we can do about it, but do our best to make the best choice we can from our limited capabilities.

 
At 7:36 PM, Blogger Suma said...

wandering.. i like your sum there

WARNING:
Just for those that are quick readers.. there is a dif. between "wandering" and "wandering ramble"

small world..

 
At 12:23 AM, Blogger vintage jeans said...

Thanks Z.M! And thank you for your help back in the anonymous blogging days.

I'm not much of the wonderer, it's when the ramble begins...

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger the sabra said...

hey vintage dont shoot but i liked this story so much i stuck it in my blog.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger vintage jeans said...

Hey, my pleasure. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 

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