Gatkes

Also known as long johns, thermal underwear and long underwear, but growing up to me it was known by another name "ZAIDE'S UNDERWEAR."

You see my older brother thought it was funny to have me believe that long johns were for grandpa's. I didn't believe it at first , then I had doubts and slowly but surely it began to sink in, he may be right. He asked the tough questions and of course he had all the answers.

"Why do you think their all off white?

Of course because they used to be Zaides and since Zaide's old his underwear must be old as well and when underwear gets old the white is no longer as white as it used to be."

"Why at the mikvah are all the old men wearing the long underwear?

Because that's the only kind that they're allowed to wear."

I almost had him when I spotted another kid wearing them as well, but my brother was quick to solve the mystery "His mother must also force him to wear his Zaide's underwear."

Needless to say I was scarred for all eternity, there was no way my Mom could ever get me to wear a pair of long johns.

And who do you think suffered?

Me of course, I would always freeze my buns off in the winter.

Well, as I grew older I began to think how logical I was being with my prejudices against the long john.

"He who sits in comfort in his underwear is truly a happy man." (unknown source)

You know what? I don't sit around in my underwear and keeping my buns warm is achieving the happy effect.

Thanks Zaide!

Shiduch Gone Awry

If you've been there, you know the feeling- wishing you were anywhere else, head pounding, 'what was the Shadchan thinking' running through your head, painful awkward silence, but not quite as painful as the incessant yawning- you should be able to relate in some way.

‘The Script’
A one scene non play
Written by
Vintage Jeans

Scene takes place in Guys car.

Boy: Hello
Girl: Hi
Boy: How are you doing?
Girl: Pretty good, Baruch Hashem. How are you?
Boy: Thank G-d, I’m ok. A little nervous.
Silence

Boy: My friend said you should start off a date with a joke. It helps to ease the tension. Want to hear a joke?
Girl: Sure.
Boy: A man walks into a pub, sits by the bar and says "I got the best Pollack joke." The bartender looks up, raises his hands and says “Now now buddy before you tell that joke you might want to know something.” He points to the other end of the bar to a huge muscular man that looked like a body builder and says, “see that guy? He’s Polish.” He points to the bouncer and says, “He’s Polish too and you know what, I happen to be Polish as well. You sure you still want to tell that joke?” The man says, “Hey no worries, I’ll tell it real slow.”
Girl: That’s not funny!
Boy: what do you mean? Don’t you get it?
Girl: Of course I get it. I just don’t see why you have to make fun of Polish people.
Boy: I’m not making fun of Polish people per say, you can say the joke regarding any ethnicity Blacks, Hispanics, even Chinese if you want. I just happened to choose Polish people.
Girl: I don’t understand why some people have to put other people down just to make themselves feel good. What happened to good old fashioned humor where things were genuinely funny?
Boy: Well I’m sorry if I offended you I was just trying to break the ice. If you have any joke you would like to say, go right ahead.
Girl: Ok. Why did the Klipah cross the road?
Boy: Why?
Girl: To get to the Sitra Acher.
Boy: Ha ha, that’s pretty funny.
Girl: Thanks.
Silence reins abound.
Boy: Do you like baseball?
Girl: What??
Boy: You know Baseball the sport. Do you like it?
Girl: What kind of question is that? I’m a girl.
Boy: So what are you saying girls can’t play ball?
Girl: I’m not saying that, I just think it’s a weird question, that’s all.
Boy: Well I’m sorry if my questions aren’t exactly top notch, but, hey, there isn’t exactly a script for these things. And it’s not like you’re doing all that much to help. I’m gasping for air here.
Girl: Naw it’s ok. You know what- I apologize. Yeah, I guess I like Baseball.
Awkward silence
Boy: This is awkward.
Girl: Well… do you like it?
Boy: Like what?
Girl: Baseball.
Boy: Oh sure, I love it.
Girl: Really, where do you play?
Boy: I don’t play.
Girl: What do you mean you don’t play. I thought you said that you loved it.
Boy: Oh, I do. I love watching baseball.
Girl: You mean you enjoy watching other people playing ball?
Boy: Yep.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Why what?
Girl: I mean how?
Boy: How?
Girl: How could you enjoy watching other people standing around on grass throwing around a ball? That sounds like the most boring thing in the world.
Boy: Oh it can be very exciting! The competition, energy, it can be quite exhilarating.
Girl: Oookay… I think I have a headache.
Boy: Don't worry, I got Advil in the glove compartment. Please, help yourself.
Girl: If you don’t mind, I think I would like to go home.
Boy: That bad?
Girl: Yep.
Heading back towards home.
Boy: Uhh… well I …
Girl cuts him off pointing to her head.

Girl: It hurts.
Boy: Sorry.
Outside girls home.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Boy: My pleasure. I hope you feel better.
Girl: Thanks. I think I’m starting to feel better already.
Boy: That’s good the Advil must be kicking in.
A slight grin creeps to the corners of girls’ lips.
Girl: I didn’t have any of the Advil. Have a good night.
As the car drives off, two young adults continue their journey along the mapless route hoping not to hit too many more speed bumps before stumbling unto their final destination.

The end

You create the title

This picture was taken across the street from our house in South Africa. Come up with a title that captures the picture. Humor is appreciated.

My transmogrify

On Friday night I was reborn, I was recreated. As who? As an intellectual. From that point on my mind was reopened.
Because you see, I was clever a long time ago.
The brain like all parts of the human anatomy will function as long as it's in use, or as my personal trainer put it "use it, or lose it."
My mind has spent to much time on vacation, lazying around, never being challenged.
On the advice of my Mashpia (mentor) I went with a few friends to take an aptitude test. The test was 6 hours long plus a 45 minute session with the therapist. One of the sections of the test was to test your mental capacities, to see what kind of career options were practical.
I scored in the 90th percentile, I wasn't impressed though, after all a yideshe kup (a Jewish mind) these tests were made for regular people. It was only when the other 2 guys told me that they both scored in the 63rd and 67th that I started to become conceited. I had always known I was a genius. Not for very long was my ego destined to be inflated.
It dawned on me, Oy! So much wasted potential.
The one thing that hurts more than lacking something, is having it and then losing it. Why had I not worked and studied growing up. Of course parents are the first to blame, then you have the community after that will usually come school, teachers, friends, everybody else is responsible for not motivating me, for never challenging me, for not instilling that drive in me to push myself to reach where I should/could have been.
No more!
I've now become an intellectual. That's right, I have made it. I always proclaim and teach, like a mantra "it's never to late." I'm taking my advice to heart.
I've decided to take my studying a tad more seriously. To encourage me to try and attain more and more information, I will from now on be posting once week the books that I've read in the past week. Initially there will not be any ratings or reviews, except by specific request.

Books of the week

As a Driven Leaf, written by Milton Steinberg

Branches Of The Chassidic Menorah Vol. 1, written by Rabbi YY Schneerson

My Will

I will begin with the end in mind.

I will rejoice in my friends joys.

I will be proactive with my free time.

I will respect my mom.

I will be responsible for the smile on one persons face every day.

I will focus on G-d's good in my life.

I will cry at my friends sorrows

I will undertake a constant never ending commitment to growth.

I will dance as I get dressed in the morning.

I will love myself no matter the mood.

I will seek first to understand, then to be understood.

I will be a source of relief in other peoples lives.

I will spend less time on the computer.

I will see the endless potential of good in all people.

I will sing in the shower.

If there's a will, there's a way.

I would love to write, but I have to much on my head and I'm not in the right mood of trying to sort it out and putting it into writing. Since though I do think that it's important I post every day, here's a Calvin and Hobbes.

Watch as I develop :)

I was under the impression that personality in the snag world was very hard to find. I was therefore pleasantly surprised when I came across these videos.
They're both made by Yeshiva guys. One of them is a music video of the song L'cha by the Chevra. The actual music video is funny and the bloopers after are very amusing.
The other is a music video as well, this one seems to me to be an original song. It's entitled 'Find my zivug now' all though not as funny as the first, most guys who have dated a bit can probably relate to one part or another- hopefully, not all of it.

Matchmakers

These are another two friends of mine who just got married. Although I couldn't find one special picture that jumped out at me, there's a common thread with all of the pictures. The joy that the bride and groom are feeling is so palpable, all you have to do is reach out and you'll touch it.
The more of these weddings I see, where I know both the bride and groom help to reinforce one idea.
I will never in my lifetime be able to successfully set 2 people up- at least not intentionally. There is obviously no consistent formula in putting two people together. If you can understand how one + one = three (or as Rabbi Jacobson puts it 1 + 1 = 1) then you may have an understanding of how to put soul mates together (you may also be a little over the edge).
Maybe all it takes is boy + girl + right time + right place = Mazal Tov!
Meaning, any guy, meets any girl, at the appropriate place and at a time when they're desperate enough to compromise on those little things, they get hitched.
Maybe...

Taking is giving?

As I rolled out of bed this morning I wondered, why am torturing myself by waking up at 7:00 in the morning to go learn? I know one thing, I definitely don't enjoy learning this much.
This morning was especially difficult getting up since I was working at Hasc for Shabbos and only got home after 1:30 AM. This was my first time ever going to work by train. Going to work Friday wasn't to bad, but coming home last night would have been such a pain taking the train. I couldn't bring myself to ask someone to pick me up, thank G-d I have a friend who seems to be telepathic. He called me and said "I'm picking you up, what time do you finish work"? I was pleasantly surprised, but hating to take favors from people I said"at 11:00", then asked "but are you sure you don't mind"? And of course totally ignoring my question he replied " I'll see you at 11:00".
Is it a problem that I have issue with asking people for favors? Shouldn't I feel comfortable asking people that love and care me for things I need? Aren't relationships about giving and taking? Ok, I'll give you that true love is all about giving of yourself completely for the other, but in a real practical relationship in addition to giving, you must have the ability to take the others love as well, because both sides have to be able to give for the relationship to flourish.
I don't bother opening my blinds in the morning. The sight of my neighbors living room isn't the energy booster I'm looking for to begin my day.So it was only when I came downstairs that I became aware of last nights snowfall. I was elated, the first snow of the year and I had woken up early enough to get to see it while it was still white, before it would turn black and slushy from of the merciless trampling by the throngs of people that live in this great city.
My walk to Eastern Parkway took over 25 minutes, the best 25 minutes of the month. Fresh snow has the power to completely clear my mind and lift my spirits better then anything I can imagine (besides for maybe- laying in a hammock by a beach on an exotic island shaded by the palm tree leaves with a tray of ice cold lemonade always being refilled standing in arms reach and my beautiful wife sitting right beside me playing the harp - maybe).
It was on my walk in the silence of the snow that I had my epiphany.
True, giving and receiving is what makes the world spin round. Notice the difference in terminology? Now I used receiving and before it was taking. The word 'taking' connotes taking something by force or not necessarily with the others consent. On the other hand the word 'receiving' implies taking something that is offered.
Therein lays the answer to my query, the quelling of my concerns. The fact that I have trouble asking people for things, yet have no trouble in taking them once offered is in fact a commendable trait.
All too often a demand or even an expectation from another is where the breakdown of relationships begin. Every person has a different character makeup. What may seem easy for you may be difficult for another and vice-a-visa. It's when we hold other people up to the same standards we hold for ourselves that the trouble starts a brewing. Because the fact is we'll forgive ourselves a lot quicker then we'd be willing to forgive another.
True we have too be able to take, but we must only take as much as the other is willing to offer.
Heal the world.

Dependency

I read this article today about people becoming addicted to the internet and I became a tad concerned that maybe I'm becoming an addict without even knowing it. I definitely spend enough time to constitute some kind of dependency and I have noticed a slow decay of my social activities.
Could it possibly be?
Could it be that I, the advocate against allowing anything to control ones behaviors, who wont allow moods to dictate any action is under the grips of the evil internet addiction??
Or maybe its a legitimate unwinding activity.
I decided to test myself to see where my actions really lie.
From now on I'm going to spend only one hour on my computer within every 24 hour period and I can see if I start having any withdrawal symptoms.

I think I'll start next week...